Finally Friday thank god!! I am looking to foward to a relaxing weekend. I am so mad I have to work Monday Memorial Day!! Everyone is off and we are not. Oh well! Now I just need this day to go by fast so I can start my weekend!

Overall it was a pretty good weekend. Friday I finally got to go on our mini date!! Since the restaurant is so close to home we decieded to walk to the restaurant for dinner. We ate at an Italian Restaurant called La Villa. We had a great dinner. It was so nice and the food was amazing!! We ate the pasta sampler and it was delicious. Since it was so late already we deceided to just head home. Mike got off work way to late and we where both tired. As we walked hoem we held hands and talked. It was so great I love him so much! On Saturday we took the kids to go swimming at Lake Dardanelle State Park. The day was so nice like 89 degrees. They had a good time. Then we took them to get frozen yogurt at Pile High. We paid a few bills , then went to Walmart to buy stuff for dinner. We had a bbq and watched some horror movies! Sunday cleaning day.....I spent most of the day reading a new book I had gotten in the mail called Chasing Daylight!! Loved it...its a really good book about a man that is given 3 months to live after he is diagnosed with cancer in his brain! It is a very powerful book and inspires you to just stop and enjoy life now. Enjoy every second without thinking about the future or another place you rather be. It was just so good I couldnt stop reading lol!! We went to Bona Dea to walk 2 miles headed home and Mike had spent all day smoking some pulled pork!!! Yummy we had dinner and then showers and off to bed!! Today I am tired...like I usually am on Mondays!! But, today I am thankful for having another day of life to enjoy my kids and my wonderful husband!!!

So been reading some blogs today and it seems to all be about weight loss! How it has been so difficult and how for x number of reasons they have not lost weight! I feel I am in the same situation. I feel I give it my all and barely see results. I have been doing the slim fast diet for almost a month now and have lost 12 pounds. But I wanted more! I see my husband who has lost 100 pounds and he still continues to loose! He works at it and gives it 200%. Never gives up ever! I want that motivation! I do not want to ever go back to my previous weight! I am determined to loose the weight and maintain the weight loss so I never see 235 pds again. So today will be I will take this weight loss challenge and hit it full force. So my today pics I will post and again in a month. The full body screen shot so I can see the difference. NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!

                                            05/16/12 at 188 pds

It's not until you see yourself in those full body pics that you realize how bad and unhealthy you look. Ok so here is to loosing at least another 12 pounds in one month!!

Had a nice mother's day. My mom invited us to her house for lunch. We got there and she had gifts for me. I had bought her a beautiful 3 piece candle holder that had sum clear jewels on it. It was so pretty for her coffee table. I was not expecting any gifts. I am not her mom, I am the one that is suppose to be giving her gifts. She gave me a beautiful plant, a necklace, an apron, a journal, and a receipe box with cards. It was a beautiful gift. We ate mexican enchilads with rice and beans . She had also made a cake called the impossible cake. It was very good. Ate a small piece just to try it put lol. After lunch she gave me and Abby about 20 pairs of sandals she had in her closet. We just sat around the table after lunch and we talked about everything. It was nice to have a nice relaxing lunch at my parents. I was reading a few blogs this morning about mother's day. One in particular really caught my attention. I remember as a kid, my mom was everything to me. When I was at school I thought about her and how important she was to me. I would worry that she would forget to pick me up or maybe something would happen to her. I loved her so much that I would wake up in the middle of the night just to check if she was breathing. I looked up to her. She was so beautiful and she was my mom. But, one day when I was about 10. She left with my dad and left us home, she was gone for what seem to me as forever. She had gone on a trip with my dad and was suppose to be back that afternoon and they had car problems and it got dark and she still wasn't home. I cried all day for her worried I would never see her again. I was so scared, it was very terrifying for a 10 year old. But, by the time they got home, I was at the neighbors house crying and so scared. She was embarrased and upset I had "made a scene" as she called it. I was grounded and she spanked me. I layed in my bed and asked myself " How could she be mad at me?" Does she not understand I just spend an entire day crying for her? Does she not relaize how terrified I was? I think that at that very moment I realized I was angry at her and nothing would be the same anymore. I changed I had to. I love my mom so very much but I know that I do not have the relationship I wished I had with her. She was always vey distant with me, when all I wanted was love and attention. I find myslef being jealous of the close relationship that my friends have with their parents. I swore I would not be that way with my kids. I find myself sometimes being that way with my daughter and it hurts me so much becuase I know what she is feeling! I just want her to love my kids, want to spend time with them the way she does with my sister's kids. I have spend my entire adulthood resenting her for the way she has treated me that the smallest signs of affection towards me, I absolutely cherished. Life is too short and I know tommorow is never promised. I need to learn to let go of the past and focus on a better future with my MOM!!! I thank god for giving my children and the oppurtunity to hold them and love them everyday! I am a strong women today because of my mom, I have learned to never depend on anyone for anything! My husband the love of my life is my best friend and the only one who understands what I have been through! Feels good to actually write down all the feeling I had bottled up all these years. As of today, I am letting go!!!!

So excited it's finally Friday! Tought it would never get here. I am looking foward to my weekend with the loves of my life! Stayed up late last night was watching The Vow...had seen it at the theatre but I absolutely love this movie!! It is so amazing, really teaches us that tommorow is never promised. Always live everyday to the fullest and enjoy life. It always makes me cry. How Leo tried so hard to get Paige to love him again. He loved her so much and just like that all her love was erased. Awww I am such a baby I cry with every movie. Seems the older I get the worst I get....everything and anything makes me cry! I find myself sitting on the couch and crying and afterwards laughing at myself feeling dumb! Mike said the other day when we where watching The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. I cried in the part where Salomon sees that women breatfeeding the baby..then she comes downstairs and calld him a retard and threatens him Well that part was really sad cuz he had huge tears in hin eyes and he said " They are my family, and I won't let you hurt them"! Well Mike came up to me and asked are you crying with the movie? I said! He told the kids " Your mom has officially turned gay" !! I busted out laughing with big tears in my eyes! I dont't know whats wrong with me! I am so damn emotional! We cry at least 5 times at day here at work lol!! I have a wonderful boss who I love and adore and a great co-worker in my department that are awesome! We tell each other everything and when one of us is having a bad day and cried we all cry! Today my co-worker is leaving to a better job. I got her a beautiful card and a candle that had big bold letter that said HOPE !! I told her we had been thru so much in the last year and that I was really going to miss her. God had guided us and always held us in his arms every step of the way! I told her because we always have had HOPE...and believed in it things will always be good for both of us! She came in my office and gave me a huge hug and we cried of course lol!! Ok off to work I go. Here is to a great weekend!!!! : )

Today I feel so sore. But, it is a good sore and I am loving it!! I did 6 miles on the ellipitical yesterday morning before work. Then while dinner finished cooking I did 5 more miles to help encourage Iann while he did his 1.5 miles on the treadmill and after dinner I did 5 more miles!! So yes I am sore today but no pain no gain right? I am so ready to be on my size 9 jeans and cute clothes lol!! I have to push my body to do more so I can start to see results quicker...

I was thinking about my babyboy that is my angel in heaven so much today. I look at Trevr who is 4 and wonder if Ivan would have been anything like Trevr is today? Trevr is so funny and cute in so many ways. He is 4 and does not know how to tell time but every day several times a day he asks me
Trevr: " Mom what time is it'?
Me: Why do you want to know what time it is?
Trevr: I just need to know the time!
Me: Are you taking pills or have an appointmet today?
Trevr: Huh??
Me: I swear I don't know any 4 year olds that ask for the time so much like you!!
Me: It's ___!!
Trevr: Thanks mom.....and keeps playing!!!

I really do not know why he always all day long constantly asks for the time. Especially when we are out somewhere he will ask me every few minutes. I tell Mike do you think it's weird that he asks for the time all the time? Mike always tells me he is just curious!! He also ask me every morning when he wakes up what day is today? Maybe he is wise beyond his years! Then he is so loveable he will tell all of us he loves us like 10 times in 1 day! He will be in his room and scream out to me while i'm in the kitchen MOM...and I wil say yes and he goes I LOVE YOU MOM!!!
Awwwww I love that about him!! Kids grow up way too fast and he is my baby!! I just wished I had a chance to share special moments with Ivan too...10 years have past and I still miss him so much!! I sometimes try to remember special things Ivan did and I feel my memory fading over the years!! I feel awful!!! Today I was feeling cheery at work...then right now I am sad over the lost of my son!!

I love this picture...shows just how curious Trevr is!! Mike and I where talking that night and Trevr was listening to every word! Oh and he had just asked me for the time right before I took this pic lol!!!! : )