So babyboy everything is still the same at home. I am still missing you so much. I have been keeping up with a story of a sweet babyboy on facebook. He was born with only half a heart and has had 5 different heart surgeries. He is so precious. Well in the last week he became very ill that the doctors called in all the family to say goodbye. But, the family did not want to give up on him. So over 11,000 people all over the world started a big prayer support and leaving their lights on for him everyone to represent that you where praying and thinking of him before going to bed. I joined and 3 days later the baby is doing much better the doctors have told them that he has a chance to pull through. That is so beautiful the power of prayer and how if everyone comes together a miracle can happen. I do believe you are in a better place but I wish you where here with me. I know you need me how I need you. Babyboy I love u so much!! Wish I can see you one last time. Oh about a week after you left us. I was showering and after I got out of the shower the mirror was foggy and in the corner of the mirriw I saw small handprints for a whole week straight!!! Was that you babyboy? Where you letting me know everything was ok? Wish I would get a chance to see you or at least for you to let me know you are ok!!

Happy birhtday my sweet babyboy!!! Today is your special day!! We are going to be planting a tree in memory of you baby. I want to watch it grow and always have you near us. I love you so much and today I miss you more than ever!!! Wish you could be here so I can hug you and tell you how much we all love and miss you!! Please watch over us sweet angel!!!

Hello my babyboy. So we had a good weekend with your brothers and sister. Would have loved to have you hiking the mountains of Petit Jean with us. It sure was a good workout. My legs are still so sore. I thought about you the whole time thinking how much fun you would have had. Oh I remeber how attached you where to me. I had to sit you on the counter when I would cook. You loved to watch me cook and when I showered you would sit on the floor and wait for me. We where inseperable, oh I miss you so much. I remember this day with you...I wish I could hold you and kiss you. Please take care of me,daddy and your siter and brother. Iann your brother is sick. HE has been since he was 1. He gets seizures and very bad nosebleeds. Take care of him pleaase. I LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!!!!

So I wanted to remember the last days before you left us. It's as it was jsut yesterday. I came home from work. I noticed a small nose bleed on your face and a big lump on your neck. I asked daddy if you had been sick that day he said no. I hugged you and you had fever. So I took you to the e.r. and I sat and waited and waited for about 6 hours. There had been a huge accident and all the doctors and nurses where busy. So by that time I checked your temp and it was at like 106. Wow I said and I remeber people in the waiting room telling the receptionist to hurry up and get you in. You where very sick. Finally I was in a room...but you started to throw up blood and it was awful. I called the nurse and all she can say was " I will be in there in a few minutes to change the sheets" !! I was so angry that no one was concerned for you. I spoke to the doctor and he said you had strep throat and it was normal to throw up blood. I know that was wrong, I have never seen anyone throw up all that blood. He gave you a shot of antibiotics on your leg and send us home. He said" Don't worry by Monday he will be up running around." That was around 1 am Sunday morning. All day Sunday you slept. You woke up and ate the last meal. It was a bowl of cereal. I thought you where getting better. So that night you slpet in the bed with me and Abby. I remeber waking up around 2 am to feel your forehead see if you where running fever. OMG you where burung up. So I quickly got up and got your medicines. As soon as I gave you your med...blood started gushing from your nose and mouth. Every bit of blood in your body was everywhere. We called 911 and they took what seem forever. You where rushed to Texas Children's Hospital where the doctors where not sure what was going on.  I told them that on Saturday night when I came home from work I noticed a big lump on your left side of your neck. But by Monday morning that lump was gone. So they ran tests and gave you 6 units of blood and all of it kept bleeding out. We waited in a small family room for 6 hours with daddy and one of daddy's friends. Finally around 8 am the dr came in and told me to come i and talk to you hold your hand and kiss see if you would respond but you didn't. I was asked to leave the room and a while after that the dr came in and said we are going to transfer him to icu and we will come back for you. We waited about and hour later the dr came back in and the look on his face I will never forget. I knew at that moment without the needs of any words you where gone!!! He said he is gone his body finally gave out. I felt like fianting I had no strength left in me. It was as if I was in a dream I couldn't wake up from. I cried for hours I couldn't believe it. I went in this dark room where you where laying down and laid in the bed next tyo you. It was as if you where just asleep but when I touched your face to kiss you...you felt so cold so I covered you up. My god you where the most beautiful baby boy. You had the most gorgeous eyes and smile. I wanted to see your eyes and see you smile at me.....You do not know how I hurt so much even after all this years!!! I miss you so much wish I can see you at least one last time and you can tell me you are waitng for me!!! : (

Good morning my babyboy!! So today is just another day at work. I am sleepy and tired but never too tired to tell you I love you so much!! We are making big plans to celebrate your birthday next Tuesday. I want your sister and brothers to always remember how special you are to us. So for the first time this year we are going to do something as a family to celebrate your day!!! I am still deciding on what to do. No matter how many years go by I still think about you every single day! You are the reason I live. I will always miss and love you. Until tommorow babyboy I love sooooooooo very much!!!

Missing you more than ever!!

I can't believe that it has been 10 years since you left this earth. I never had a chance to actually write down all the feelings inside of me. I have so many and they range from anger to hurt. I am angry you where taken from me so suddenly. You are a beautiful boy and to have lost you just from one day to another is more than anyone can handle. I did not have a chance to say good bye. I think about you everyday...all day long. I get so emotional in the month of April because your birhtday is April 24th. Next week is your 12th birthday. I try to imagine what you would have looked like at this age. All I can see is those beautiful eyes and gorgeous eyelashes of yours. Would you look like me or your daddy? I can only see you as that baby I lost 10 years ago. I wish I could hug you and kiss you as this moment.....tell you that we all love you more than you will ever know. You have a sister and 2 brothers that also love you very much. We told them about you. Abby was only 3 years old when you left us. I want you to know that I will write to you everyday. I love you babyboy........