Had a nice mother's day. My mom invited us to her house for lunch. We got there and she had gifts for me. I had bought her a beautiful 3 piece candle holder that had sum clear jewels on it. It was so pretty for her coffee table. I was not expecting any gifts. I am not her mom, I am the one that is suppose to be giving her gifts. She gave me a beautiful plant, a necklace, an apron, a journal, and a receipe box with cards. It was a beautiful gift. We ate mexican enchilads with rice and beans . She had also made a cake called the impossible cake. It was very good. Ate a small piece just to try it put lol. After lunch she gave me and Abby about 20 pairs of sandals she had in her closet. We just sat around the table after lunch and we talked about everything. It was nice to have a nice relaxing lunch at my parents. I was reading a few blogs this morning about mother's day. One in particular really caught my attention. I remember as a kid, my mom was everything to me. When I was at school I thought about her and how important she was to me. I would worry that she would forget to pick me up or maybe something would happen to her. I loved her so much that I would wake up in the middle of the night just to check if she was breathing. I looked up to her. She was so beautiful and she was my mom. But, one day when I was about 10. She left with my dad and left us home, she was gone for what seem to me as forever. She had gone on a trip with my dad and was suppose to be back that afternoon and they had car problems and it got dark and she still wasn't home. I cried all day for her worried I would never see her again. I was so scared, it was very terrifying for a 10 year old. But, by the time they got home, I was at the neighbors house crying and so scared. She was embarrased and upset I had "made a scene" as she called it. I was grounded and she spanked me. I layed in my bed and asked myself " How could she be mad at me?" Does she not understand I just spend an entire day crying for her? Does she not relaize how terrified I was? I think that at that very moment I realized I was angry at her and nothing would be the same anymore. I changed I had to. I love my mom so very much but I know that I do not have the relationship I wished I had with her. She was always vey distant with me, when all I wanted was love and attention. I find myslef being jealous of the close relationship that my friends have with their parents. I swore I would not be that way with my kids. I find myself sometimes being that way with my daughter and it hurts me so much becuase I know what she is feeling! I just want her to love my kids, want to spend time with them the way she does with my sister's kids. I have spend my entire adulthood resenting her for the way she has treated me that the smallest signs of affection towards me, I absolutely cherished. Life is too short and I know tommorow is never promised. I need to learn to let go of the past and focus on a better future with my MOM!!! I thank god for giving my children and the oppurtunity to hold them and love them everyday! I am a strong women today because of my mom, I have learned to never depend on anyone for anything! My husband the love of my life is my best friend and the only one who understands what I have been through! Feels good to actually write down all the feeling I had bottled up all these years. As of today, I am letting go!!!!